The Aftermath of Sexual Abuse

The scars will remain inevitably
To test our mind
To rip out our heart
To take us far away from our once normal life
The holes in our memory cause agonizing pain
Our puzzle has lost some of its pieces
The computer chip in our brain has gone corrupt
Searching for data unfound
Someone has altered the files… Abuse

Abuse inflicts wounds that heal over time
They changed them
They rearranged them
They erased them
They misplace them
They took what was ours
We install new files
We learn how they run
We try and restore what is left
but the passwords keep getting denied
These files are empty, just like our memory
Sexual Abuse was the crime
It stole our innocence
It murdered us
Our candles were blown out before their time
There’s no getting up
There’s no fighting back
There are no answers
Things will never be the same
Life after abuse just loses its zest
It rains a lot more
The sun doesn’t shine as much
We laugh on the outside and cry on the inside
Always trying to hide our scars
The pain will always remain
To haunt us
in sickness and in health
To attack us
in good times and in bad
To torture us
till death do us part
For all the days of our life

-R. S. Ivany

Destiny awaits

I keep going back to my days of Shakespeare and the thoughts of “to be or not to be”, keep ringing in my ears. I’m driving to the Cleveland Clinic to determine my fate. Is it going to be a good day or a bad day?

Krissy is in the back seat yelling “Jesus take the wheel”. Let’s keep it light and sing Carrie Underwood’s song… That’s not light at all. Such a sad song. But ironically right now I do need Jesus to take the wheel.

I’m nervous as hell, my stomach is all bubbly and I feel like I may puke. My hands and feet feel a bit slimy, my tell tale sign of outward nervousness. I guess another sign may be the horrific gas that I can’t help but admitting to. Krissy keeps opening the window saying “oh my God you are disgusting”. Lynan on the other hand laughs uncontrollably because she is like a three year old who thinks farts are hilarious. She joins in the fun and farts to make Krissy mad. It works. Oh get me out of this car.

I’m almost at the clinic and to be honest I’m glad to be getting out of this stink infest tin can. Nerves can wreak havoc in more ways than one. Oh boy can they ever. Let’s get the show on the road already. This limbo stuff reeks just like the gas in this car.