The Aftermath of Sexual Abuse

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The scars will remain inevitably
To test our mind
To rip out our heart
To take us far away from our once normal life
The holes in our memory cause agonizing pain
Our puzzle has lost some of its pieces
The computer chip in our brain has gone corrupt
Searching for data unfound
Someone has altered the files… Abuse

Abuse inflicts wounds that heal over time
They changed them
They rearranged them
They erased them
They misplace them
They took what was ours
We install new files
We learn how they run
We try and restore what is left
but the passwords keep getting denied
These files are empty, just like our memory
Sexual Abuse was the crime
It stole our innocence
It murdered us
Our candles were blown out before their time
There’s no getting up
There’s no fighting back
There are no answers
Things will never be the same
Life after abuse just loses its zest
It rains a lot more
The sun doesn’t shine as much
We laugh on the outside and cry on the inside
Always trying to hide our scars
The pain will always remain
To haunt us
in sickness and in health
To attack us
in good times and in bad
To torture us
till death do us part
For all the days of our life

-R. S. Ivany

Soulmates

I’m inspired to write after watching the movie, “The Reader”. I cried my eyes out for a large portion of the movie. It touched me to say the least. It was moving. It was full of energy, sexuality, sadness, misunderstanding and most importantly love and desire. The movie was about soulmates from different ages. Two people that could have lived a lifetime together had their ages not been so extreme and their lives so different. It was a story of youth and experience intertwined to make an epic love story that occurred over a few short months yet spanned a lifetime. The innocence of youth was touched by a hidden world of pain and suffering abruptly uncovered by time. The curiosity of sexual energy that exploded during his young teen years captures him and holds him as a prisoner for the rest of his life. He was frozen in time, unable to move forward mourning the loss of his love. Their lives were touched by one another. Her past, their love affair, and his realization, entrenched emotions so deep it could flood the soul of every man on earth. It was a literary dream, a movie filled with passion and literature. The Odyssey, his beautiful readings. His words came to life like dancing butterflies floating above the pages of the books he read to her. She was mesmerized by his reading and his love of literature. This movie taught me many lessons about life. It taught me to understand the relationship between love, lust and sexuality. The characters play such different roles. He taught me about innocence and falling in love. She taught me about sexuality and secrets and how they destroy lives. I wonder how she felt about her painful secret? She was mysterious in nature and very difficult to read. She was cold but yet extremely caring. She was afraid get extremely angry. She was confident and bold and so seasoned in life that she was afraid to admit her inability to read. She was embarrassed but yet willing to give her own life for the sake of that embarrassment. He loved her with every fiber of his being. From his first glance at her thigh as she put on her hose until his dying breath. His love for her consumed his life. He filled his days with thoughts of that summer. He eventually married another woman and had a child but later divorced because he knew he had married the wrong woman. He longed for the love of his life but he knew he could never have her. A twist of fate brings their path together again only to watch his true love reveal the story of her life previous to his affair with her. He was a law student watching a trial of a concentration camp guard now being tried for the murder of hundreds of innocent women and children. It turns out that his love was a cold-blooded murderer. Much different from the woman he loved and adored as a boy. The past haunts all of us to a certain extent, however most of the time it’s better to leave the past in the past. Betrayal also plays and important part in this movie. The innocence of first love was betrayed by her tainted past. Finally karma twists and weaves itself into the flesh of this movie, betrayal bites her back and she is left a prisoner in her own world, empty and alone just as she had left him during his youth.